“If you want to get married in my church…”

February 20th, 2008 § 0 comments

From the Daily Mash:

Wedding Order
A RURAL vicar who littered an order of service with gratuitous swearing and foul-mouthed insults has said he would do it again.

The Right Reverend Denys Hatton was accused of ruining the wedding of Timothy and Emma Burton by adding unsolicited comments to the four page booklet, later described as ‘dirty-minded’ and ‘designed specifically to offend’.

Emma’s mother, Mrs Elizabeth Wilson, said: “We had all been looking forward to such a lovely day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and Emma was absolutely radiant.

“So it was somewhat disappointing when we arrived at the church – decorated so beautifully by Marjorie and Janice – to then read that we were about to witness the marriage of two ‘fucknuts’.”

Rev Hatton said: “When I first met Tim and Emma I thought, ‘what a pair of self-absorbed bastards’.

“She hasn’t been here since she was five and he obviously thinks I’m some sort of prick.”

Rev Hatton said he wanted to highlight the couple’s dreadful taste in music and draw attenion to their ‘unremitting ghastliness’.

But he also admitted using the footnotes to make unprovoked comments about the best man and matron of honour, as well as settling an old score with the parish organist.

Rev Hatton added: “If you want to get married in my church you can bloody well turn up on Sunday and fucking mean it.”

Labels: Odds and Sods

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