Sim-O

I was just browsing the Express (yeah, yeah, I know, but sometimes I like to smear myself in shit) and read this story about new law and order stuff from the Conservatives (istyosty.com link)…

NOW YOU CAN BASH A BURGLAR

DAVID Cameron last night hit back at allegations that his Government is soft on crime by vowing to back home owners who fight off burglars.

Announcing a major legal shake-up, the Prime Minister pledged that property holders who use “reasonable force” against intruders would not be prosecuted.

How is that new?

David Cameron said: “My mission is to make sure that families can feel safe in their homes, and they can walk the streets freely, without fear. The system today is failing and badly needs reform.”

It needs reform so badly, it’s going to stay the same.

…the most eye-catching announcement was legal protection for people who defend their families and properties during break-ins. It would allow home owners to hit burglars or even shoot them as long as the force used can be shown in court to have been reasonable.

At risk of repeating myself, how is that new?

“So we will put beyond doubt that home owners and small shopkeepers who use reasonable force to defend themselves or their properties will not be prosecuted.”

How is, oh you get the idea.

The PM’s measures include increasing the number of life sentences handed out by the courts and ensuring that serious sexual and violent offenders spend at least half of their jail terms in custody.

Under current rules, many can walk free halfway through their sentences.

All together now… How is that new?

A new criminal offence of squatting will also be introduced to protect home owners, and squatters will be stripped of the right to claim legal aid to fight their cases.

This it is a little worrying. I don’t know any figures about squatting or what squatters give for being squatters, whether it’s to use unused property or poverty or being outside the benefits system, but I doubt the majority actually want to be squatters any more than a property owner wants to host them. So it would be nice if alongside this proposal to rid the land of squatters and prevent them from claiming someone elses property, the government put in place some other way of getting these people back into accommodation.

I love this little quote from Ken Clarke…

I’ve made a number of U-turns in my time. They should be done with purpose and panache when you do them.

If you’re gonna do a u-turn, make it a stylish one. Preferably wearing a hat at a jaunty angle.

Tell you what. I’ve found the party I’m gonna vote for in these European elections.

It’s the fucking United Kingdom Independence Party!

How mental is that? But look, ok. They may be a little rough around the edges, not entirely credible and maybe a little xenophobic, but look…

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has registered the name of rival political party Libertas with the Electoral Commission. It effectively prevents Libertas from fighting the European elections next month under its own name, instead having to use the less than snappy Pro-Democracy Libertas EU.

Have some of fucking that, pro-Euro scum!!

You may be wondering why Our Nige has decided to do the electoral equivalent of cybersquatting, but it’s not really because he’s registered the name for a *very* good and noble reason…

it [UKIP] feared Libertas ‘would masquerade as a Euro-sceptic party when its true agenda is that they want a bigger EU.’

See? Now how bloody noble is that? Protecting the electorate form having the wool pulled over it’s eyes? It doesn’t get much more altruistic than that, does it? It’s things like that, true British values, that bring a tear to my eye and make me proud, proud I say, to be English.

And just like them lying pro European scum, gotta try every trick in the book to make us Brits look bad. Really, you couldn’t make it up…

South of England Libertas candidate Chloe Woodhead: ‘Incredibly, they offered to sell us back our own name for £10,000. It’s not just underhand, it’s pathetic.’

See? Sell? Sell? They’re not selling the name back to you, Ms Woodhead. You see, now there’s been all this exposure, all this couple of inches in the press, the whole of the UK will be wise to your tricks and know you want to behead our beloved Queen and make us drive on the right so they’ll let you have it, for nothing. See Altru-fucking-tistic. The £10k is just, er admin fees.

Come on, Farrage!! Make Britain ‘Great’ again!