Get out of my bloody way!

January 5th, 2011 § 2 comments

I’m sorry to have another rant. I don’t intend to be all miserable and negative here, but fuck it. It’s my blog and I’m getting really pissed off about this. I have to say something before I pull some one over and ram their faux leather driving gloves down their fucking neck.

I want one of these on the front of my car:

The ideal car
(image originally from here)

I am sick to fucking death of going down a slip road, seeing some doddery old cunt in front potter along at 45mph with traffic screaming past me at 70+mph. I am sick to fucking death of having that ‘we’re going to die’ feeling every time I try to join dual carriageway or motorway.

I say old bastards, but these people that seem too fucking scared to use the loud pedal don’t seem to be old any more. Or women (why do some women, and it is only women, drive with their nose pressed up against the windscreen?). There’s still the slow old gits about but it’s not the exclusive domain of the old to be doddery anymore. Dodderyness, when it comes to driving seems to have been democratised. It is now the domain of, it seems, just about fucking anyone.

Cars in general, and especially modern cars, have good brakes. They stop quicker than they accelerate. So why do these fuckwits seem to think that it is ok to fuck off down the slip road slower than a dead frog and expect to be able to pull into traffic that is doing at least 25mph quicker than themselves? Why the fuck doesn’t it occur to them that if they get their fucking arses up to speed they will be able to fit into a smaller gap? Or that it’d be easier to slow down to slip in behind a lorry than to speed up to get in front of Mr BMW travelling at the speed of fucking light.

I want a spatula on the front of my car to flip these cunts, just like a burger, out of my way. Flip them into the grass verge where they explode in dramatic fiery ball of death. The end reslut needs to be this severe so it serves as a warning to people who are slow as fuck as to what happens when you, not necessarily don’t go quickly enough, but fucking dither about and don’t get out my fucking way.

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§ 2 Responses to Get out of my bloody way!"

  • Richard T says:

    Me too and I’d use it on the f**kwits who dawdle down the offside lane for miles waiting to make a right turn. Add in the optional extra of super exocets to eliminate lorry drivers who decide to overtake on a 2 lane dual carriageway and take 5 minutes to do so.

    • Sim-O says:

      ooh, those exocets would be nice for people that pull out of a junction in front of you and crawl along at a snails pace for ages, then suddenly find second gear just as you’re about to slam in the the back of them while hot on the brakes.

      hmmm. missiles.

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