Sim-O

He will meet the leader of a country that amputates hands and feet for certain crimes at Number 10, but will not meet the leader of a non-violent occupied country in the official residence of the Prime Minister, but instead somewhere else, for fear of upsetting the occupiers.

Just saying for my sake more than anything else.

ITN:

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has said he wants to dedicate his life to uniting the world’s religions.

I didn’t think Catholics were into all this evangelising? Nothing worse than a convert.
Cunt.

http://www.number-10.gov.uk:

In order to secure as strong a Convention as possible in the last hours of negotiation we have issued instructions that we should support a ban on all cluster bombs, including those currently in service by the UK.

Just as it should be. Nice one Gordon.

The independent:

Proposals to pay MPs £23,000 a year on top of their salaries to help them avoid embarrassing disclosures over their expenses provoked anger, as campaigners labelled them a “sneaky” move that would prevent the system becoming more transparent.

Hmm. Lets see. Who shall we get to work out how to sort out MPs’ expenses to make them more transparent? Someone had a fucking brainwave didn’t they. This is a brilliant arguement for the government to hold a stock of flats in near Westminister for MPs’ from the constituencies. No more £3000 showers for Mandelson or mock tudor gables for Prescotts council house in Hull.

Go Gordon, get the big boys to sort their shit out and stop fucking us around with their profiteering!!
You tell them Saudi’s that we aren’t gonna be held to ransom any more, just because they happen to be sat on all that oil. After all, we are meant to be buddies, aren’t we? Us and the House of Saud?

You what, Gordon? Sorry, I thought you said North Sea.

Oh. You did.

Woo Hoo!! I’m cured!!
I’ve been a bit of a miserablist recently, but I think I just found the cure:
Dr. F. Rodent, PhD Bovine Faecology:

Come on, cheer up – it can’t be that bad.

So, half the planet’s on fire with terrorism and war? Worse things happen at sea.

Yes, I did see that news story about how enormous cracks in the North Pole could signal the imminent onset of serious global warming, but I didn’t let it worry me. I’m a happy person, and I try to spend as little time as possible fretting over possible catastrophes.

After all, what’s a little global warming? Sure, it’ll probably mean famine and death for a good percentage of the planet’s population, but that’s just a drop in the ocean compared to what could happen. So turn that frown upside down!

I mean, you can’t be telling me that you’re sitting on a giant rock, hurtling through space at 108,000 kilometres a second, in an orbit that’s criss-crossed by millions of planet-killing asteroids and comets, and you’re concerned about a bit of a rise in global temperature? You worry-wart, you!

It was my daughters 5th birthday on friday, so yesterday we took her and a small gang of her friends to Cotswold Wildlife Park to run around and look at some animals.
I ended up with a big insight into how the 5 year mind works. And basically it is stoned.

We went on one of those mini-railways that these places always have and, I’m not sure how I encouraged it, but ended up with four 5 year old children talking to me getting more and more surreal as the train ride went on. It was one of those conversations that you can’t get out of without being extremely rude, which is not what I wanted to be to my and my friends kids. Not one parent came too my aid either.

By the time the train stopped ten minutes later I had been involved in one of the oddest conversations I’d had since that time we caned a load of acid and worked out how to time travel.*

*Unfortunatley, when we all came down, no body could decipher the notes we’d made, although the diagrams were very pretty.

The Daily Mash:

BRITAIN last night told the prime minister it was getting really quite late while making a big fuss of cleaning up the living room.
As Gordon Brown started yet another story about meeting Bono, Britain put its hand gently on his back and laughed saying, ‘well that’s just great – did you have a coat, by the way?’.

Quality.

Hat tip: Justin

I’m watching newsnight and someone in the audience asks a question about the abortion vote and it’s result and Francis Maude starts talking about how having to kill a baby (at 24 weeks) before it is aborted shows that it is viable and thus too late.

Let me say this one last time:

The baby is killed before it is aborted so that the woman undergoing the abortion doesn’t have to see the little mite struggling for breath (or whatever a dying 24 week old baby does) for several minutes whilst it does actually die, because it cannot independently survive outside the womb. Don’t you think an abortion is distressing enough without that fucking big bucket of guilt thrown at you as well?

The act of killing the baby does not mean a thing in the scheme of things, so shut the fuck up about it.

*unless someone else annoys me enough

http://www.number-10.gov.uk [re clusterbombs]:

The Prime Minister had issued instructions to our negotiators in Dublin that we should work intensively to ban cluster bombs that cause unacceptable harm to civilians.

Implicitly meaning that there are types of clusterbomb that cause acceptable harm to civilians.

Also:

The Prime Minister had asked the Ministery of Defence to assess the remaining munitions in use to ensure that there was no risk to civilians

With clusterbombs there is always a risk. They’re not exactly precision instruments, are they?

and:

Asked for the Government’s position on cluster munitions, the PMS replied that the Government’s position was that there were negotiations on cluster bombs underway in Dublin at the moment, and we would not want to pre-empt those.

That is not a fucking position you fucker! A position would be “we hate clusterbombs and are not going to use them anymore” or ” Clusterbombs? they’re fantastic, we have bucket loads on order”. You don’t even say what they negotiations on clusterbombs are about. Are you bunch of cunts negotiating the price you’re gonna sell them at, how many each country can have or what they’re worth in swapsies, like Pokemon trading cards.

Get some fucking balls and answer question.